I am trying to sit with myself. I am trying to sit here and draw boundaries between the places I think I’ve ultimately been harmed, places where I feel fear and insecurity, and then places of mental health, ADHD dopamine-seeking and autistic burnout. I’m having those thoughts again. The kind where I think I’m a fraud. When I try to […]
Oh wow. Look at that. I’m not dead. Amazing. And I’ve come back with my tail tucked between my legs and my head low, just because I am embarrassed for having disappeared for months… half a year? I don’t know. I’m not counting. Anyways, still doing that job-thing. The honeymoon phase wore off, still don’t have a work-life balance… I […]
So, I’m not free from the bad episodes. They still plague me occasionally. Maybe once every few months, it’s hard to tell (I don’t keep track of that closely). What I can say is that I had been trying off and on for several weeks to write up a blog post and then got paralyzed a paragraph in or so […]
So, I got a job. On one hand, it’s copywriting. So, like, neat. On the other hand, I have to figure out work/life balance. It’s full-time. If I stick with it for two and a half more months, I get benefits. I’m learning a lot of new things, a new system, practically a whole new vocabulary, so it’s feeding my […]
There’s something I’ve been avoiding, and while going through my socials, cleaning them up, and getting ready to put myself on a schedule to produce content, some kind of content, I had to admit something to myself. A good portion of what I started online, regarding my presence as a writer and creator, was all geared around this one particular […]
EDIT: Since having written this entry, I did a lot of soul-searching. Now, in rereading, “her” gives me a bit of an “ick” reaction. So, I fixed it to reflect my true self better. My brain is firing on different cylinders again. It’s like I’m being pulled in different directions, wanting to work on a bunch of different projects, feeling […]
Outstanding news: I’m not dead. I know it’s been a few months (the effort I’m making counts) and I cannot tell you exactly how or why I disappeared this time. I thought I was doing a pretty good job after the kidney infection, but then… gesticulates into the void. At some point, an “out of sight, out of mind” thing […]
I threw a lot of energy into trying to get this blog looking better and working on websites and stuff. It was for good reason though; I had been sick and didn’t have the mental energy to sit and focus on my own projects, so I did other work. But now I am feeling a touch guilty. That usually happens […]
Every time I have the full intention of starting a journal, or a blog, the same thing happens every time. I forget about it; I guess? One would think that given my proclivities for writing I would naturally gravitate toward wanting to keep a space for my internal monologuing, but I struggle severely to do it regularly. I guess maybe […]
